My Tuesday. I have about 6 hours of work to do for the business. It must get done. I need about 5 hours to get ready for activity night. I have to take care of business. I have to have things ready for our night of sewing. How do I do both at the same time? Don't forget there is a reimbursement check in your church bag. Go to the bank. Hey, while you're at the bank go to Deseret Book 'cause you told the bishop you would grab program covers for Sunday. I have a harp lesson. Can I meet up with the superintendent for signatures, then hit kinkos to make copies of what he signed for us, go to Joann's, then bank, Deseret book, down to contractor's office on the south side of town, can I do that and be done by 3? I don't think I have time for harp. It just furiates me if I can't make it to harp.
My Hang-ups. I have a totally irrational fear. It has ruled my life. I try to keep it under control and not negatively affect my kids, but it constantly resurfaces. I am scared to death of one of my children/now grandchildren being kidnapped. Those seat belts on strollers? They're not for keeping the little one from tumbling out, they keep someone from walking by, and grabbing and running with the child. I know it's crazy, but really, there's a reason we didn't go to Disneyland a lot, definitely never the beach, and barely the park. I took a group of girls to Salt Lake City for girls' camp, oh my, I barely survived the panic attacks of trying to keep them all together where I could see them all at the same time. So going along with this fear, one of my children told me two totally innocent sentences, something about killing spiders, a guy came by dropping off flyers for bug spraying, I don't know exactly because what I was really hearing was, "I was home alone with two kids and opened my door to a total stranger." I tossed and turned for a couple hours over the fact that he easily could have forced the door open against her. Oh, the horror of what could have happened. Their stake is having a big 24th celebration, which means the kids will be out running around, in a crowd. Ughhh. Can we all just stay contained indoors, not talking to strangers?
How will I get Tuesday accomplished?
Read the scriptures. If you can't sleep, read the scriptures. I wasn't four verses in and I already had a list of about six things I should be better at. How is this comforting if now I'm stressing on being more charitable. Patience. Serve more? How am I going to get thru Tuesday, and add to that serving someone? How come I'm so ubrupt with people? How can I be this happy loving person that people are drawn to? I'm so confused. Can't I just be me? I don't smile naturally. I have a natural stern look. Doesn't mean I'm not happy. I must be doing something wrong. How should I act so people like me?
Don't forget the list of stuff that has to happen on Tuesday. That job account. Ron is ordering materials today. . .
My brother-in-law is very sick. We need to go visit them. Tuesday is not looking good. Wednesday is ward temple night. Ron will barely get home from work in time for that. That leaves Wednesday. What if that's too late? We need to go see him sooner. You can't tell sick people, hang on, I'll come later. That's not how it works.
How do people get it all done?
Tuesday, don't forget your list for Tuesday. There is no room for error in this day.
You know why you're tossing and turning? Because your joints hurt. Silly girl, if you had taken some Advil 5 hours ago, you probably would have slept just fine.